wtfu

I often have dreams where I'm cussing out people I know from church.

        Last night, I had a dream of that nature. I let a few people (whom I know in real life) use my phone for something, and when I get it back, the glass is shattered, pieces falling off in my hands. I tell them it was just a scratch before - how could they be so reckless with it?! They don't listen to me, don't even look up at me, they respond with some kind of "Oh I'm sure it was already like that."
        WELL, I get enrAAAged... even now I can feel the rage surging through my heart (just from a dream!?). I'm in a group of people all sitting at tables, listening to a speaker make a presentation. I stand up, phone in hand, press my lips together firmly, grit my teeth, clench my jaw, flare my nostrils, and violently chunk my phone at the front of the room where the presentation's display shows. It breaks into pieces and I walk off as people finally acknowledge me and try to usher me out of the room.  I have embarrassed them, apparently.

        After that, I'm in a different room full of tables around which people sit, but these are different people. From what I gather, they are sororities and fraternities. I sit at the end of a table where a fraternity sits. A whole row of attractive young guys sit in front of me - I'm still unnoticed, but I don't mind it in this setting. After some time, I stand up, feeling a little scared without having my phone, since I destroyed it in the previous setting. I walk over to one guy with dark hair, a plaid shirt, and some wide-ish rim glasses. I tell him I want to go to NYC with him.

        After that, I'm in NY without a phone. I look at a map to see that I'm in Brooklyn. I keep telling myself that it will be fun to be on my own, to couch surf and meet different people and find my own way in life, but inside, I'm a little scared.

        Later on, I'm traveling with some people, a girl is driving, and I suddenly think "I'm usually nervous when other people drive. I wonder if she's a good driver." Then she starts swerving and I start telling myself to wake up from the dream I know I'm in.  I think to myself of all the ways I could try to wake myself - I pinch my cheek, but nothing happens, I can't wake up. The road just kept going into the dark night. Eventually I did wake up, but not because I made myself. I was trapped in that dream until it would release me.

RAGE. I feel it every day. Apparently it makes me feel like I don't belong in church, among the churched, but I do belong with God, and I don't belong in a dark world, trying to find my way without anyone. I want everyone to feel my rage. I want them to wake the fuck up, honestly. Wake the fuck up. Life is perfect for a lot of people, but they don't know it. They think that because they got in a fight with their significant other about paint colors, life is hard. DAMN. wtfu people. wtfu.